i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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