you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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