Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
