Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize