i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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