dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
