I faked an abortion last night.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Rumble strips road head = magical
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
