i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
