is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
