How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
