Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
