hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
