So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
