i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My liver just broke up with me...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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