Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
