Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
