the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
