Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
