Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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