You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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