so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
