I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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