my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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