even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
