I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
