I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
