I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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