Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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