I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
