Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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