i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize