He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
