I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
