I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i now understand why vodka
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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