Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
