It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
