Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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