Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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