yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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