All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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