I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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