Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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