My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
