you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
