Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
