in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
