You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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