just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize