the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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