well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
