everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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