I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
