he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
