You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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