dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
