I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She bit a glass in half.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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