You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think I am morally bankrupt
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
