i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
