Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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