You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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