Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
