Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
