He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
