Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
