Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize