What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
