lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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