last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
