so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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