The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
