shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
