i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
