Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
