I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
