Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
