Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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