this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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