All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need to stop coming to work sober
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize