I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
