Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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