My room smells like vodka and shame
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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