I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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