if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize