all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
