Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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