He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
