What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
