I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
bring money and cleavage
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
