Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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