remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
