i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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