eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize