and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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