he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
