We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
